Satiricus was down in the dumps. He felt like the fella in one of the oldies his dad used to listen to — “Sittin’ on the Dock of the Bay”. He was a man with a broken heart. As he headed down to the Back Street Bar, he knew he wasn’t going to get much sympathy from the fellas. But then he figured he’d explore why everyone claimed “misery loves company”. “Eh! Eh! How come yuh mout’ suh laang?” Bungi asked the moment Satiricus arrived at the table where he and Hari had already put away a few.“Like the wife didn’t give you your frek, or what?” chimed in Hari with a sly grin, as he signalled the waitress for a beer for Satiricus.“Nah…,”Satiricus said distractedly. “I just came back from party headquarters.”“Suh wha’ goin’ aan wid dem KFC bais?” asked Bungi, as he clinked his bottle with Satiricus’s.“That’s what I’m trying to figure out,” confessed Satiricus. “You remember the Accord we signed with the Pee-an-See to get our fair share??”“The Pre-nuptial agreement signed on Valentine Day?” Hari grinned. “I thought that was soooo sweet!! Like a real wedding, not a coalition!!”“Wha’ happen?” demanded Bungi impatiently. “A’yuh get blow??”“Well,” started out Satiricus, “I wouldn’t put it that way. But Nagga Man said he wanted a new agreement.”“And what Rum Jhaat said?” asked Hari while he polished off his beer to hide his smile.“We haven’t seen Rum Jhaat since he was seen drinking with some British spy at the Desert Lagoon,” answered Satiricus with a worried frown. “I wonder if he was reconditioned.”“Suh wha’ wraang if Nagga Man want wan new agreement if he and Rum Jhaat a get blow?” Bungi wanted to know.“The man want us to picket the KFC office,” said Satiricus, shaking his head. “So he can tell GrainJa he’s getting pressure.”“Me tell yuh ‘e lose ‘e balls afta he get larwah!” chuckled Bungi, slapping the table.
Chelsea endured a disappointing night against Southampton. Here’s how we rated each Blues player in the goalless draw at Stamford Bridge. AdChoices广告Kepa Arrizabalaga: 6Had little to do but produced a smart save to deny Stuart Armstrong when called upon in the second half.Cesar Azpilicueta: 7Defended as solidly as ever and served up an excellent ball into the box towards Alvaro Morata, who should have done better.David Luiz: 8Luiz at his best; classy on the ball, decisive when defending and always alert. A couple of superb challenges were the highlights of an excellent performance.Antonio Rudiger: 6Steady and unspectacular against a side which offered very little going forward bar a spell of second-half pressure. See also:Chelsea held to goalless draw by SaintsSarri hints he wants Blues to sign strikerSarri frustrated – but Chelsea receive good news on the injury frontPedro and Giroud expected to return against SpursKeeper Collins extends loan spell at BurtonLoftus-Cheek admits Chelsea must learn to break teams downSarri gets some welcome news on the injury front Follow West London Sport on TwitterFind us on Facebook See also: Sarri hints he wants Chelsea to sign striker Marcos Alonso: 5Ineffective on the left, where he had little joy. His below-par form continues.Jorginho: 5Not dynamic enough in the middle of the pitch, where Southampton were often comfortable. Slow, methodical and easy to anticipate. A disappointing showing.N’Golo Kante: 6Tried to make things happen in the more attacking role he is still adjusting to. Showed energy but a lack of quality at important moments.Ross Barkley: 6Probably the best of Chelsea’s midfielders, but he too struggled to make things happen. Linked up nicely with Eden Hazard on occasions.Willian: 6Bright early on and was missed after going off injured shortly before half-time.Eden Hazard: 6Endlessly tried to take up positions in order to make something happen, but he was well dealt with by the Saints, who defended resolutely throughout.Alvaro Morata: 5Perhaps unlucky to have a goal disallowed for offside, and he was lively in the opening stages. But again he fluffed his lines in front of goal, missing two decent chances.Ruben Loftus-Cheek: 7Set up a chance for Morata in the second half and did well after coming on despite not being fully fit following a back problem.Cesc Fabregas: 6Brought on midway through the second half in order to add some creativity. His passing was sound and he operated at a higher tempo than Jorginho. Set up Morata for the disallowed goal.
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